Can someone just sling a spanner in the works? Please?!
Below I have drawn a pretty (or not!) picture of what having endometriosis entails and how each things affects the next. It literally effects every aspect of my life. As you can see, it’s a viscious cycle.
I’m unsure what can trigger the pain as I can have it through the night, when I open my eyes in the morning, at work, after the gym, anytime. I have read up online and through reference books, I have spoken to hundreds of women in online forums and support groups and don’t seem to be any wiser on how I can help myself!
Before all my symptoms became too much to bear, I had a positive outlook on my life, positive opinions of the healthcare systems and believed I was in good health.
How naive was I? For the past 15 months I have been greeted by blank faces, questioning looks, even expressions of doubt, when seeking help from the healthcare service. I am very much treated on a ‘try this’ trial and error basis, I seem to come out of the Dr’s room feeling more confused than when I went in and have yet another prescription in my hand. I have seen on the news that Doctors are sometimes over-prescribing and overdiagnosing their patients, which is bad. But I must be on the other end of the scale as I have been underdiagnosed. I have recently had a hospital admission where the on-call gynae actually looked surprised at seeing my surgical scars even after I had told her my sad tale. As if I’d lied about it?!
I have reached an all time low in my life and have been crying in Dr’s rooms for months asking for help. I have expressed my desire to have an hysterectomy at 24. I just want it to go away at this point. I have told them I find no joy in my life anymore. Their response? Anti-depressants. More meds.
I don’t like using pain killers so how am I supposed to react to this? It scares me. I am constantly being reminded that ‘these drugs are addictive’ and ‘be careful how many you take’ and so I try to avoid taking them if I can. I can’t always manage it. If I don’t take the pain medication when I need it, I’m literally in the foetal position for hours. I am now at the point post-diagnosis where I have accepted that this is how I am, which is depressing in itself much less without the pain.
Anti-depressants were the last straw. I cannot start that medication. I have decided to try and take control of my life. Hoping to.
I have been to the gym this morning, taking it slowly, I have gotten home and my stomach has inflated to the size of a beach ball, my back hurts, my pelvis feels too wide for my body and I am so tired. All of the time. Tired of my body fighting itself. Pretending to be ok, everyday, is exhausting. I just want to be as normal as I can.
I’m just about done with this shit.